Dear Mom Who Has a Baby in the NICU on Mother’s Day,
I see you.
I see you sitting next to that incubator.
I see you mourning the loss of a dream you had – a dream that included a neatly packaged birth plan and perfectly perfect baby.
I see you leaving the hospital without a baby in your arms.
I see you shedding silent tears while the nurse adjusts your baby’s O2 levels.
I see you feeling insecure that the NICU staff appears to know more about your child than you do.
I see you carrying the heavy load of What if’s about your baby’s health.
I see you eating hospital food day after day.
I see you scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing every last germ and dirt particle and skin off of your hands (and wrists and forearms and elbows) sometimes several times a day.
I see you worrying that all that adhesive they use to hold his nasal cannula in place is irritating his skin.
I see you anxiously hoping that today’s nurse will be be a good one.
I see you looking around frantically as the room fills with more dings and bells than an arcade.
I see you learning words like pulse oximeter, gavage, C-PAP, and surfactant.
I see you pumping faithfully every 2-3 hours around the clock.
I see you trying to hide rocks in your baby’s diaper before the scale comes in so you can get home faster.
I see you becoming a pro at converting grams to pounds.
I see you feeding your baby through an NG feeding tube and wondering how in the world that could be comfortable for him.
I see you dealing with social workers and insurance people and doctor after doctor and feeling like your brain is going to explode from information overload. Suddenly deciding what diaper pail to buy seems so insignificant.
I see you researching on the internet (which is generally not the best idea, but you will do it anyway because you are a mama).
I see you trying to balance time at the hospital and time at home with your other child(ren).
I see you bringing goodies to the nurses who care for your little buddy.
I see you making hard decisions. Really, really hard decisions.
I see you trying to learn the names of the bazillion different doctors that are monitoring your baby’s health.
I see you wishing you could hold your baby, but sometimes there are just too many of those darn leads and respiratory equipment in the way.
I see you praying and praying and praying to go home.
I see you.
And on this Mother’s Day I want you to know that God sees you, too.
God sees you and wants you to know that He is with you.
He wants you to know that He is very familiar with the pain of watching your own child suffer.
And He wants you to know that motherhood is so much more than those perfectly perfect expectations we dream about and make Pinterest boards about for 9 whole months.
Motherhood is realizing that our babies belong to Jesus first – that He knows what is best for them.
Motherhood is holding those babies – ventilator and all – up to the heavens in total and complete surrender of will, much like Jesus did on the cross.
Motherhood is resting assured that IT IS WELL, even in the NICU.
Even in the NICU on Mother’s Day.
I am so sorry for your pain. I am so sorry that your journey of motherhood began this way.
But I am not sorry for the lessons that being in the NICU has and is teaching you, sweet mama.
You are learning how to depend on Him wholeheartedly. You are learning to be strong and courageous. You are learning to rest in Him. You are learning to listen to His voice. You are learning to celebrate small victories and find peace in impossible circumstances. You are learning to walk by faith and not by sight (or doctor’s diagnoses). You are learning that God has the last word concerning your child’s future. You are learning to trust Him completely with Desats and Bradycardia and X-Rays and the roller coaster life inside the walls of a neonatal intensive care unit.
So this Mother’s Day, dear Mom with her baby in the NICU, remember that He sees you.
He loves you.
He is drawing you closer to Him.
And He’s got this.
– Julie
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25
**See my Top 10 Reasons Why Having a Baby in the NICU is Awesome HERE.**
Wow. That was powerful. And true. I’m a grandma, and thankful I never had this experience, but this post should bring some measure of peace to those who are in this position. Thank you.
Thank you, Dona.
Julie, this was so GOD-given beautiful for more reasons than you know…..I was so…depressed today & this reallllly helped me. Thank you, from one mom’s’ s heart to another.
Sweet Sam. Thank you for writing. Hang in there, my sister. The Lord loves you dearly…
I am sitting here in the hospital reading this, bringing tears to my eyes. My 7 week old baby is home, safe and healthy (except for her daily fight against naps which has been having me in tears this past week as I am exclusively pumping [your post came up on my Google search and I have been in love with your blog ever since] and barely have time to get settled with the pump before she is awake again) praise God, but my happy hubby is sleeping on the table in an ER room as we try to figure out if this is seizures he’s been having every day for the past month. It has been one thing on top of another all weekend (despite exclusively breastfeeding, dear AF reared her head yesterday morning along with the severe cramps she always brings). Not how I pictured my first mommy’s day. It is hard being away from my child and seeing my hubby all hooked up but kudos to you and ladies who are in or have been in NICU on Mother’s Day watching their babies whose bodies barely have strength to fight off whatever may be ailing them. I realize my situation could be so much worse. Praises and prayers going up for triumphs and difficulties of ladies all around the world on this special day.
Rachel, you have a beautiful perspective… I am so sorry for all the bumps you have been experiencing lately… Keep pressing into Jesus… You are so loved. Psalm 25:10
Lovely thoughts and comfort, Julie. You’ve been there, you know the path. Love to all the moms who are walking it now. Mary
Julie, as hard as it was for you and Ryan to have that long NICU experience, I’m thankful that through it God has given you the eyes to see these moms, and the love and wisdom to speak to their hearts with His Truth. Beautifully done, beloved.
Beautiful! As a mom of 2 NICU babies I wish I’d had this encouraging word back then. Bless you for blessing a sad stressed worried mom somewhere in NICU. God is going to reward all the seeds you’ve sown in others. Happy Mothers Day!
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Thank you, Kristi. You are a warrior!
That is beautiful! 🙂
WOW! That was perfect…even though our journey wasn’t during Mothers day, the words are still perfect!
Thank you, Judi. NICU Mommies unite! 🙂
Greeetings from Gainesville! Julie, what a lovely tribute to the Moms with babies in NICU. I found out about a program they have here at Shands Hospital called, “Cuddling.” Volunteers come hold the babies in the NICU for three hour shifts each week. I’m thinking about it. What are your thoughts?? (No, I will not sing the FSU fight song to any of these precious, innocent babies!) MIss you and Ryan and your boys………~ Melanie
Melanie! DO IT. Totally. You will LOVE it. So glad to hear from you. I miss you so much. xoxo
I came across your blog for a teacher gift I found on pinterest but found this post. I have a 2 1/2 year old that was in the NICU for 152 days and came on oxygen support and had another baby just over 2 months ago that was in the NICU for 3 weeks and then was called home to heaven. I wept as I read your words. Another reminder to me that Heavenly Father is in charge and allowed my 2 year old to stay but must’ve needed my Jaxyn. The NICU is soooo hard but I would have gladly done it all again! Thanks for posting.
Oh Heidi… I am so sorry for your loss… The way you wrote your comment, I can literally FEEL God’s strength pouring out of your soul… I am proud of you for leaning into Him through this unbelievably painful time… Hold on, my precious sister. Psalm 25:10 xoxo
I love you for being able to write this so beautifully. We just left the NICU two days ago after the most awful two weeks of my life and just finding this post helps me to feel not as alone in all that we went through. Although surrounded by other parents, endless nurse shift changes and doctors rounds where you hang on their every word with prayers of a discharge day – I’d never felt so helpless. Our struggle continues at home and I wanted to thank you for reminding me to walk by faith and not by sight.
Sweet Rae, I am so sorry for your trial… May the grace and peace and love of our precious Savior wash over you this very instant! You remember that He is with you in this! You are not alone. He has a plan for you… I know it is not easy or fun, but it will be good. Let me know if you ever need anything! xoxo
This is a beautiful reflection that really captures what mommies go through during this difficult time in their lives. I also experienced most of those feelings when my baby spent his first three weeks in NICU. So hard to go home everyday empty handed, exhausted and that nagging feeling of not knowing what the next day would be like. However, my prayers sustained me and my faith never wavered. I kept reclaiming God’s promise for my child.
You see… after some years trying to conceived and before I had my pregnancy test results, I was attending a women’s retreat hosted by my church and was told by an unknown woman that God had heard my prayers, that I was already pregnant, that He formed my baby with my tears, that I would have a healthy child, that he would be like the Prophet Samuel, and that He would reveal to me his name and his ministry.
I wholehearted believed that promised! After the retreat, I told my husband, my mother, and some family members that I was pregnant with a boy! Most of my family members doubted because my test results would not be ready for another 48 hours.
Three years later, I have a happy and healthy boy named Ezekiel. Just waiting to hear about what his ministry will be.
Thanks because your words, although painful to relive, it brings another opportunity to count our blessings.
thank you for writing this. It’s not Mother’s Day but I left my baby boy in the nicu again tonight. And each night I know we are closer to going home but each night seems harder then the last. Pray for my sweet boy to be able to latch or take a bottle for this is the last hurdle before we can be discharged and fly back to our island.
Thank you for writing this and reminding me of Gods faithfulness and that Judah is his before he is mine.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your gift from God with expressing your heart. My first daughter was a NICU baby and as I read what you wrote it all came flooding back. You expressed everything I felt but never had the words to express it. I remember vividly gazing out the window of my home at the 2am pumping while she was over an hour away from me, and surrendering my new baby girl to the Lord. She was His ultimately and what a sobering and yet freeing moment. It didn’t take away the heartache I was still going through but it did offer a deep peace knowing that He loved her even more than I did and it was going to be His will that was done. I never take for granted every moment with her now. She is a spirited almost 4 year old and I love her with all my mama heart!
Bethany, oh wow. It sounds like you had quite a beginning with your little miracle! But praise the Lord for the way He worked miracles in your own heart and faith as you learned to trust Him more with the things you love most! God bless you, sister. Thank you for commenting today… xoxo
My Son just turned 10 in March. When he was 2 days old he was transported to the NICU at Children’s Hospital of The Kings Daughters hospital in Norfolk VA from Chesapeake General Hospital in Chesapeake VA where he was born. Come to find out on April 1 I was told my baby boy had down syndrome. For 2 1/2 months I practically lived in the hospital. Only 2 hours out of 24 hours no parents were allowed in the NICU it was during nurse shift change. Those 2 1/2 months were the hardest of my life. Sitting there helpless watching my son in his crib hooked up to lots of tubes. Some of the nurses I was not very fond of but there were a few who were great. Today he is a happy energy filled 10 year old boy and I am a happy mommy.
Hello, I am a mentor at Apollo Middle School and my girls are putting together crafts for moms with kids in NICU, for mothers day. This writing is perfect. Would you mind if we use it to put inside their cards?
Hi Julie. This was so awesome to read. God bless u!!! My baby is 2 months old and is still in nnicu. According to the doctors, he has hypotonia. He will be coming home on oxygen and a peg tube. Please can you share your son’s story with me, if you don’t mind?