I see you.
I see you sitting next to that incubator.
I see you mourning the loss of a dream you had – a dream that included a neatly packaged birth plan and perfectly perfect baby.
I see you leaving the hospital without a baby in your arms.
I see you shedding silent tears while the nurse adjusts your baby’s O2 levels.
I see you feeling insecure that the NICU staff appears to know more about your child than you do.
I see you carrying the heavy load of What if’s about your baby’s health.
I see you eating hospital food day after day.
I see you scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing every last germ and dirt particle
and skin off of your hands (and wrists and forearms and elbows) sometimes several times a day.
I see you worrying that all that adhesive they use to hold his nasal cannula in place is irritating his skin.
I see you anxiously hoping that today’s nurse will be be a good one.
I see you looking around frantically as the room fills with more dings and bells than an arcade.
I see you learning words like pulse oximeter, gavage, C-PAP, and surfactant.
I see you pumping faithfully every 2-3 hours around the clock.
I see you trying to hide rocks in your baby’s diaper before the scale comes in so you can get home faster.
I see you becoming a pro at converting grams to pounds.
I see you feeding your baby through an NG feeding tube and wondering how in the world that could be comfortable for him.
I see you dealing with social workers and insurance people and doctor after doctor and feeling like your brain is going to explode from information overload. Suddenly deciding what diaper pail to buy seems so insignificant.
I see you researching on the internet (which is generally not the best idea, but you will do it anyway because you are a mama).
I see you trying to balance time at the hospital and time at home with your other child(ren).
I see you bringing goodies to the nurses who care for your little buddy.
I see you making hard decisions. Really, really hard decisions.
I see you trying to learn the names of the bazillion different doctors that are monitoring your baby’s health.
I see you wishing you could hold your baby, but sometimes there are just too many of those darn leads and respiratory equipment in the way.
I see you praying and praying and praying to go home.
I see you.
And on this Mother’s Day I want you to know that God sees you, too.
God sees you and wants you to know that He is with you.
He wants you to know that He is very familiar with the pain of watching your own child suffer.
And He wants you to know that motherhood is so much more than those perfectly perfect expectations we dream about and make Pinterest boards about for 9 whole months.
Motherhood is realizing that our babies belong to Jesus first – that He knows what is best for them.
Motherhood is holding those babies – ventilator and all – up to the heavens in total and complete surrender of will, much like Jesus did on the cross.
Motherhood is resting assured that IT IS WELL, even in the NICU.
Even in the NICU on Mother’s Day.
I am so sorry for your pain. I am so sorry that your journey of motherhood began this way.
But I am not sorry for the lessons that being in the NICU has and is teaching you, sweet mama.
You are learning how to depend on Him wholeheartedly. You are learning to be strong and courageous. You are learning to rest in Him. You are learning to listen to His voice. You are learning to celebrate small victories and find peace in impossible circumstances. You are learning to walk by faith and not by sight (or doctor’s diagnoses). You are learning that God has the last word concerning your child’s future. You are learning to trust Him completely with Desats and Bradycardia and X-Rays and the roller coaster life inside the walls of a neonatal intensive care unit.
So this Mother’s Day, dear Mom with her baby in the NICU, remember that He sees you.
He loves you.
He is drawing you closer to Him.
And He’s got this.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25
**See my Top 10 Reasons Why Having a Baby in the NICU is Awesome HERE.**