I am a DO-er. I am always moving, cleaning, typing, working, reading, talking, folding, laundering, imagining and any other action verb you can think of.
This makes an interesting dynamic in our home because Happy Buddy’s love language is quality time. All day long he asks me to play with him and look at him and help him and cook with him and sit with him and read with him and snuggle with him and just be with him.
And all that Martha in me is learning to be a little bit more like Mary.
Because y’all don’t have to tell me that time flies.
In 15 years I want my boy to still ask me to do all those things I listed above with him (even snuggle, because I know 25 year old boys like to do that with their mamas – at least that book Love You Forever gives me hope), so every time I squash that desire to write that email, scrub that dish, or go on that purge-every-closet-in-the-house rampage, I am planting a seed for future relationship with my boy.
I don’t get it perfect every day. I have a really hard time not trying to do 1,000 other things while spending ‘quality time’ with Happy Buddy. Sometimes the laundry wins. Or my iPhone. 😉
And I also feel the need to point out the importance of balance here. If I said yes to Happy Buddy EVERY time he asked me to play with him I would literally be playing with him ALL DAY LONG. I grew a whole other person in my belly for him to have as a regular playmate. Plus, we expect Happy Buddy to daily have time to play by himself, as well as come alongside me as a helper in the work that has to get done in our house.
Not to mention that I think there are some risks in spending too much time with our quality-time-loving-kids… Sometimes I see a little bit of an attitude in Happy Buddy that feels entitled to my presence instead of having a heart of gratitude for the efforts I make to invest in his heart. That’s when we step back and try to regain a healthy perspective on mommy’s availability.
But with all that said, the bigger picture is me learning how to love my little guy best.
When Happy Buddy was born, we picked a name for him that means ‘Peace’ and ‘Rest’.
I had thought that by naming him this great name that he would become the very definition of it. As a newborn that would look like a very peaceful baby who didn’t cry. As a toddler he would quietly play and color in coloring books for fun. As a preschooler he would never get in trouble in class or have emotional outbursts.
I smile now at how the Lord had a bigger plan for this boy’s name (and I laugh at my lack of understanding about REALITY – hahaha).
Because the meaning of Happy Buddy’s name wasn’t necessarily meant to embody his character but rather transform MINE.
This boy calls me to rest when my flesh wants to work and do.
This boy calls me to peace when I want to worry about all the things a mama can worry about.
This boy reminds me that watching him shoot hoops or pulling out a game of Battleship or sitting on the couch to watch a Nascar race or playing T-Ball with him in the 100 degree summer heat is the ‘better choice’ (Luke 10:42).
Summer is giving me the gift of more quality time with this amazing boy.
And I’m hoping to make Mary proud. 🙂
What is your child’s love language and how does it challenge you to grow?
thank you for reminding me this morning!
So good!!! Thoughts I was pondering this very morning as I’m putting things together for my book but not wanting to push my kids away. Thanks, Julie!! 🙂
Reblogged this on Blessed Hope Homestead.
My oldest is quality time. He is 21 now and still enjoys sitting beside me with me either scratching his back or rubbing his head (not the feet though) or just sitting close while we either read or whatever. I have two who are words people and don’t one of them doesn’t even like hugs! My middle son is into touch, when I wake him in the morning if he doesn’t growl at me, it’s mom can you scratch my back. My youngest is acts of service. I am more of a Mary so sitting and doing these things are not hard for me, just don’t look close at my house!
Wow! This post really spoke to me…just the other day I told someone I was a DO-er! I have 2 boys as well and feel the same way you do. I hear, “come play mommy” as a constant melody in our house. Similarly to you, I am working on striking that balance. Thanks for the thoughts!
My eldest is quality time, and my youngest is touch. I also have to work hard to be less Martha with my eldest. Thanks for this post.
Wow I’m so glad I read this! My daughter is the exact same way and I am much like you- not sitting still for very long ever! I didn’t realize that is just her love language- I chalked it up to her being a needy toddler who couldn’t play well independently- but that really puts it into perspective!
I couldn’t agree more with all your sentiments in this post, but this one really spoke to me. “This boy calls me to peace when I want to worry about all the things a mama can worry about.” Raising an extroverted only child who has quality time as her love language has been a real challenge for me. But also the best thing ever. Her beautiful eyes and smile always bring me back into the moment and help me focus on what is really important.