When I was pregnant with the Happy Buddy I SWORE up and down and left and right that my kid would NEVER take a pacifier.
I mean, hello?! I read all the baby books and I knew all about nipple confusion.
I planned on nursing this baby until he was at least 10 and nothing was going to get in the way of that.
Not to mention I didn’t want my precious child getting messed up teeth and have to spend thousands of dollars on dental work.
And besides, my baby wasn’t going to need a paci anyway because he was not going to fuss or cry like those other babies.
<<<<<<Insert lots of loud laughing here.>>>>>>
The Happy Buddy was not even alive a few hours before the Happy Hubby was marching himself down to the nurse’s station to fetch us a pacifier.
As soon as that funny little thing was popped into our baby’s mouth, there was no turning back.
Our boy love love looooooooved his pacis.
He needed at least 4 pacis in his bed at all times (apparently each pacifier brought a little something different to the table).
He loved sucking them and chewing them and throwing them out of his crib as a form of entertainment.
He needed them to calm down.
He needed them to sleep.
He needed them when he was bored.
He needed them to poop.
He needed them all. the. time.
Well, we eventually got him to a place where he was only allowed to have his paci during nap time or while sleeping at night.
When that happened, suddenly the Happy Buddy wanted to take a lot of ‘rests’ throughout the day. 😉
As year 2 of his life drew to an end, the Happy Hubby and I decided that on his 3rd birthday, we’d ditch the pacifiers for good.
But then… the Happy Baby was born.
And the drama that ensued in our Happy Home after his birth put pacifier retirement at the bottom of our list of things to do. The Happy Baby ended up having his feeding tube surgery on the same day as the Happy Buddy’s 3rd birthday, so we just couldn’t justify ripping away his one physical comfort during such a painful and trying time.
All of a sudden another year went by and the Happy Hubby and I are looking at each other wondering if our kid is going to college with a MAM.
So over the last few months we have started to drop subtle hints that the Happy Buddy was a big boy and big boys did not need pacis.
We even mentioned a few times that his 4th birthday would be the perfect opportunity for him to put those little suckers to rest.
We even made the call that if his pacis fell behind his bed or got dropped on a dirty floor or in the toilet (yes, that happened), I would not replace or clean them. So once he was down to his last paci, that was it!
As his 4th birthday approached and we were down to that last paci, I started to get cold feet. I didn’t want to be remembered as the big ogre mommy who took away his precious paci. Couldn’t it be more organic? More natural? Couldn’t a bird just swoop down and pluck it out of his mouth and fly away with it to some far off country?
The birthday came and went and I did not take away the pacifier.
A few days later, however, the Happy Buddy came to us and announced (completely on his own volition) that next Saturday (not this Saturday, the next one) he wanted to take his final pacifier to the hospital where ‘we got the Happy Baby’ and give it away to one of the newborns.
The Happy Hubby and I nodded our heads and approved of this, but we did not think for one second that our addicted son would actually stick with his plan.
He surprised us again by saying one week later, “Saturday is when I am giving up my paci.”
We encouraged him but still did not think that he was going to follow through.
Well that Saturday arrived and, to be honest, I didn’t even remember the significance of the day, but the Happy Buddy got out of bed and reported to us first thing, “After my nap we are going to the hospital.”
The Happy Hubby pulled me aside later when we were making plans for the day, “We aren’t really going to do that, are we?”
And I was like, “You bet we are! I think we better jump out this open window before it closes forever!”
After the nap we put the paci in a small Ziploc bag (as I am sure that last pacifier was the host of 8.2 million different kinds of diseases and every letter of the alphabet Hepatitis) and drove to the hospital.
He took a few final sucks in the lobby.
Then we rode the elevator up to the postpartum wing.
We met the head nurse and he handed his last paci into her outstretched hand.
I made a big show of his courage and bravery and determination.
And the Happy Hubby had a Frosty from Wendy’s waiting for him in the car when we returned.
It all seemed too… easy.
The first night without the paci went surprisingly well. He woke up at 5:30 in the morning and simply couldn’t go back to sleep. I was okay with this, figuring it was a one time deal.
24 hours later and I am mass texting everyone in my address book for prayer because I am seriously wondering if I need to put the Happy Buddy in rehab.
It was an ugly couple of days.
For some reason the Happy Buddy turned to chewing on clean pairs of underwear as a sort of substitute for the loss of all that oral stimulation.
You’d think a rabid dog had gotten to his Thomas the Train big boys pants if you saw what he did to them!
At one point I even recited Psalm 23 over him focusing on “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” part and then changing the words to, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no paci, I will fear no evil. For you are with me…” 🙂
But today is the 4th day post-paci and we’re seeing a bit of shining light.
We’re going to make it.
Now why am I sharing all this with you?
Well, I faced a good bit of anxiety about the fact that my child was 4 and still using a paci. I also got some disapproving comments from other mommies who thought he was way too old to still be using one – which just piled on guilt.
In hindsight, though, I realize that it simply wasn’t as big of a deal as I (or others) made it out to be.
He eventually gave it up.
His teeth are fine (the fact that I constantly forget to brush them is more the issue at this point). 🙂
He definitely did not have nipple confusion (I nursed him for 2 years!).
And he (and I, for that matter) learned a whole lot of great spiritual truths from the final paci surrender.
So, dear Mom who has a child with a addiction Lovey obsession – don’t worry. I promise he won’t be climbing into bed with his new bride on their honeymoon and saying, “Hang on, babe. I need my paci.”
I promise she won’t be sitting in the middle of an important meeting at the Fortune 500 company where she works with her thumb in her mouth.
I promise he won’t be telling his friends in the middle of the football game that he needs to go grab his blankie from the car.
Try not to fret about it.
Just do what you can to help your child see the bigger picture – that God is really all they need.
Happy Buddy, I just want you to know that I am so proud of you!
The choice you made to give up something that was so important to you… oh, how instructive that is to the body of Christ!
What beautiful sacrifice in doing the right thing – even when it cost you something. That sounds like Jesus to me.
God helped you through the darkest hours, and you came out better and more seasoned (albeit with a few less pairs of undies) in the knowledge that you truly can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.
But most of all you learned that He is enough.
Mommy loves you so much!
“But my God will fully satisfy every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
🙂
Oh my goodness I laughed so hard reading this (“even though I walk through the shadow of no paci”–I couldn’t contain myself). Yet it was such a good reminder that we tend to care too much about what others think sometimes and forget that every kid is different and does things in his or her own timing. The fact that he thought of giving it away to the hospital on his own is evidence that you’re doing a good job raising a man after God’s own heart 🙂
Debbie! You so lifted me up tonight! Thank you!!!!
So cute! My daughter sucked her two middle fingers and we tried everything to get her to stop. Finally when she was five, our dentist told her he would give her ten dollars if she would stop…and she did! I never saw her suck them again.
Jan, that is awesome! I hope he was true to his word! 🙂
Sooooo. My 5-year-old daughter is addicted to her fuzzy fleece blankets. Anything she deems “suvvy” (a mix of soft and fuzzy?), she chews, and snuggles all night. I have nightmares of her grabbing her blanket on the day of her wedding, and packing it in with her honeymoon wardrobe. We tried to take it away when she was 3 and again at 4, but *I* am the one with the issues, who just can’t let her cry it out. Ughhhh.
Thanks for the knowledge that she’s not ruined, and that there is hope!
I know of two people…one is my cousin (18 years old) and my childhood friend (21 years old) who still have their ultra tattered comfort blankets with them.
I can’t thank you enough for this well timed post! Our little girl is 3 and 7 months and we have been debating for a while now about when to get her to relinquish her ‘dums’. Lately she has been quite ill and tends to go to it for comfort but during the day has been ok. I feel a lot better now about not taking it away from her ‘just yet’ and I’m not a bad mum at all! You have completely made my day. 🙂
Ok, well it remains to be seen whether or not I, at 43 years old, turned out ok; but I distinctly remember the trauma of my Daddy taking my paci to work one day when I was three. Mama said it broke and he was going to “fix it”, then he forgot it at work. He forgot it again the next day; and the day after that, and the day after that too. It was HORRIBLE!! He never remembered to bring it home again. Why do I remember this? Who knows………….that and only one other thing do I remember before kindergarten. I think you did the right thing by letting him decide it was time to move on from the paci. No, I don’t hate my Daddy for not fixing my paci, haha, but it was traumatic for sure.
My second child, a girl, is almost four and has two more pacifiers to go. I hear you! I just don’t care – I figure, I got her potty trained, so one last thing that links her to her baby years is okay with me. 🙂 She does know, however, that when her mouth becomes “too big” for her pacifiers (meaning Mommy cuts a slit in them when she’s not looking), she’ll get to make a Big Girl Bear at Build-a-Bear. 🙂
Soooo LOL cute……Mine had his pacis until he was just more than 3yrs old & only decided to give them up when his dentist said she would give him a toy if he brought her allllll his pacis. He requested a Harold the helicopter toy for the “exchange”. So we gathered ALLL his pacis (which were really only abt 3 left at this point bc i, like u, said i would not replace lost pacis) & he/we had 1 week to prepare himself (& myself) before we took them to the dentist (she collects them in a huge jar & when its full she takes it to the hospital to give to all the newborns. He liked that part esp since i was giving birth to his baby brother fairly soon! 🙂 i also had this 1 week to find this Harold the helicopter (a Thomas piece) so i could sneak it to the dentist so it would look like she gave it to him! He had NO PROBLEM with this until….the night before his next appt. (he was also having sealants put on his teeth at this time) it took alot of discussing/encouraging for him to “accept” what was happening. I told him if he wasn’t totally ready that we could wait but he knew that meant he wouldn’t get Harold either. The next day he grabbed his 3 pacis (1 in his mouth, &1 in each hand =his usual bc he would “switch” them out constantly!!) & proudly handed them over to the dentist. To which he then VERY quickly asked for his surprise. He also found great pleasure in seeing his pacis in the jar that would soon be given to his brother. It was so cute. Later that night he asked for his pacis but i reminded him that he gave them to the dentist & that he now had his stuffed animals & blankie to help him sleep. Surprisingly it went rather smoothly. I was so proud of him (& me) there was something abt him having a paci that kept him little!! 😉 i had originally said we would take it at 1yr (yea right) then definitely at 2 (no way was he gonna let that happen) &, then by 3 it just became this thing that we HAD to let go of somehow.
Now i have buddy #2 who also has a paci & who has also already turned 1 but still has them. From day one #2 has only been able to have them while sleeping or in the car. We’ll see how this one ends up!
Ps…sorry for the LONG post, i love these stories of them…they grow up so fast!!
My oldest son was 6 when he finally stopped sucking his thumb. He never really liked the
Sorry…for some reason it published before I was ready. 🙂 anyway…he never really liked the paci. The hardest part about a thumb is, you can’t take it away so, that was really hard but he did it! My daughter and my little 8 month old would just spit them out so, they never took one.
Mommy guilt is a terrible thing, especially when brought on by other moms. We should be helping and encouraging one another, like you are doing on your blog!
P.s. I was cracking up at “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no paci!” 🙂
Julie, I loved this so much! My girl LOVED HER PACIS! She was past 4 when she gave them up on her own…The fact that we could pop one in her mouth on a long trip and she’d go right to sleep- well, in some ways it was harder for us to give them up. When her baby brother was born, she gave a new one a “test drive”, but declared it unsatisfying..:>)..Her teeth and speech are fine…and baby brother LOVES the passies too. Oh well..Your happy buddy is quite the little man – adorable!
As I was reading the last verse to a nursing Elise (we are starting to wonder if she will still be nursing at 4!), she busted out with a vigorous, “A-men!!” So sweet. Loved your post. Appreciate your honesty, vulnerability and encouragement. Miss u all!
Brought back so many memories… We had a GREAT advantage, in that the thing my son became attached to was a cloth diaper. An advantage, because it was easy to switch them out to wash, readily found if he lost or tore it. When he discovered that we had multiples, he began stuffing them in his little T-shirt, looking distinctly like the Hunchback of Notre Dame or as if HE was expecting! Our funniest incident was the day we were checking out of an Orlando hotel…. We passed a linen cart piled HIGH with white towels, and he thought he had gone to diaper blankee heaven! That little tot stood hanging on to the cart & would NOT be moved until it was demonstrated that they were NOT diaper blankees!
While he did pack one for the first year of Pre-K, in case of EMERGENCIES, they soon found a new use: dusting.
Our almost 3 year old granddaughter put her paci in the mailbox and “mailed” it away. She is so proud of herself.
Awe! This was such a great post. We too are struggling since our son will be 4 in Nov and still has his binky. I was a thumb sucker as a kid and didnt stop no matter what my mom did. I eventually quit on my own as well but I have those bad memories of weird concoctions she would out on my thumb to get me to stop. So I have a bit of empathy knowing the calmness it brought. He only takes it at night so I guess it doesn’t feel as big of a deal but I’d like stop when he’s 4. Although I said that at 3 and 2. Lol I think society puts a lot of pressure on what I think isn’t such a big deal. Dentist said his teeth are fine and I had to laugh at the teeth brushing comment because I too was bad in the beginning with that. So thank you for sharing and we’ll see if the binky fairy visits us shortly and leaves an awesome new gift in exchange for the last and final binky. Gosh they grow fast dont they?
Julie you are your husband have created such an obvious bond of love and trust with your son. I mean how many parents would have gone to the extent of driving to the hospital to deliver the paci at their son’s request. We have devotionals at work and yesterday’s topic was having trust and confidence in God and how for those who have been nurtured and loved and held by loving imperfect parents, how much easier it is for children, as they grow into adulthood to have that confidence in God. Maybe a Paci at 4 in the eyes of the world seems a little old, but the eyes of God are watching and he is smiling at two of his favorite parents.
My son is high anxiety- he chews his clothing to shreds. In our support group, I shared my concerns and the other mothers said I was lucky. Their kids were ripping off finger nails or pulling out eyelashes and hair or picking open wounds. Yikes, after hearing that , I vowed I was good with the t-shirt chewing and blessed that it was not worse. And later he did sometimes chew his arm, which was horrible! People would randomly scold him- you shouldn’t do that to your shirt, Stop that, etc. etc. I was very firm that the shirt chewing was the better of two options so please refrain from negative comments.
I learned to always send 3-5 t-shirts with him. He went through about 70-100 t-shirts a year. Sucking a paci would be sooo much better and less self-destructive. So boohoo to the people with the bad comments. Your child knew what to do and when was his time- kudos to you for following your heart and letting him make the choice. That is a powerful lesson on many levels for children and parents. All things in their own time. And my child is almost done with the shirt chewing…. just on stressful days. To everything there is a season and a time…
Aww so cute ^_^ God Bless You All!
Love love love!!!! Our Baby Girl is very oral as well and we thought that the paci would be a big fight. I worried and read all these great wonderful and theoretic ways to help her surrender her love paci. We were down to the last one and then it just disappeared. She was 2.5 years and we were so worried. But by the grace of God she did it!! 2 months later we found the paci shoved between the mattresses. I often wonder if she put it there for safe keeping and forgot. I got a great laugh and so did my husband from your story.
i laughed when I read that your child won’t be going to college sucking their thumb or with a binky…i know a friend who has a child in college who DOES still suck her thumb on occassion. i know. weird. but that motivated me to stop my child at 4 years old to stop the thumb sucking 🙂 it was hard, but we did it together! and his teeth are going back to normal 🙂 seriously, I don’t know if he would have ever stopped on his own. i am ultra impressed your little boy did!!
Thank you so much for this post. My daughter loves her “sucky” and I have been so torn on whether to take it away or just wait for her to give it up on her own. I have leaned towards waiting for her to be ready, but I felt so guilty when other people ask why she still has one and when she’s going to stop getting a bottle. (Mind you she’s only 15 months, so I think it’s perfectly fine for her to still take both) Your post helped cement my inclinations. Thank you again, you are a wonderful Mom and an inspiration to a Christian Mom.
Brings back memories…My older daughter was never interested in pacis. My younger daughter, on the other hand, loved her paci-foo-foo. Like you, we decided: this is it, we’re not replacing any more pacis. She was about two and was down to her LAST paci. We were at the zoo and I tried to convince her to leave it in the car. Every picture, at every animal habit, there she was with her paci. Right up to the very last exhibit…the monkeys. As we were heading out of the zoo, we realized the paci was gone. We re-traced our steps, but we could not find it. We told her the monkeys stole her paci-foo-foo…they must have needed one for a baby monkey. Oh my word, I thought she would never forgive those monkeys.