I used to blog almost every. single. day.
These days, I literally cannot even FATHOM how I did that!
I can barely crack open my computer now.
In a way, it’s a very good and very healthy thing, as I believe over time my blogging became an idol in my life. It developed into this thing that I craved and desired more than I desired spending time with Jesus and, I humbly admit at times, even my family.
I got way too wrapped up in my stats, slaving away trying to post the next big thing – the next stat crusher.
I let my worth and value as a person be determined by how many shares a post got.
I spent a lot of time feeling jealous and frustrated with other blogs who seemed to just know how to do it all (blogging, photography, parenting, marriage, decorating, media, making money, looking super cute), all while never allowing another part of their lives to suffer as a result.
Then in November something huge happened in our Happy Home that sort of ripped me out of my petty struggles and into a fierce battle for the things in my life that are most important.
Ironically, the things that this blog is all about.
I honestly haven’t even wanted to write because I believe the Lord had to literally REMOVE that desire in order to show me how much He wants to be FIRST in my life.
He wants to fill my soul. He wants to be the one I run to when I wake up in the morning. He wants to be the one that makes me feel better on a bad day. He wants me to be on my knees more than at a computer desk. He wants to be the one who affirms my worth with the truths of His sweet Gospel message.
And He wants me to pay a little more attention to the hearts in our home.
Precious Happy Baby woke up last Saturday with a cough that just wouldn’t stop. I noted that his breathing was faster than usual and he fell asleep in the car while we were running errands (something that immediately alerts me of an oncoming illness. #mykidsneversleepanywherebuttheirbeds).
Then the Happy Baby spiked a high fever and his breathing got worse, so after consulting with his pediatrician, I drove him down to our old stomping ground (the place where we spent his first 97 days) and checked ourselves into the ER.
They were concerned about his breathing so they kept us overnight.
And another night, and another…
More tests concluded that the Happy Baby was not only fighting the pneumonia, but also Rhino Virus and RSV.
We were suddenly thrown back into the world of unknowns and speculations and concerns and wonderings about the Happy Baby’s health. All the doctors wanted to know why we did not pursue further genetic testing. They said his neuromuscular condition was a huge factor in his susceptibility to these illnesses, as well as to his ability to overcome them.
It was rough!
The Happy Baby was so overwhelmed by all the hospital activity and poking and prodding and nasal cannulas and nebulizer treatments and cough assists and IVs and nurses and doctors that the ONLY thing that made him feel any sense of security was if I held him.
So I did.
It was a snuggle of epic proportions.
Oh, how the Lord has matured me since the Happy Baby’s first hospital stay!
Then I was afraid and timid and anxious and easily knocked down by bad reports.
Not this time.
This time I truly believed (instead of just hoped) that God would deliver us.
This time I laid my life (and the Happy Baby’s) completely at His feet in surrender.
This time I had eyes to see that the heart of my Father is to bless, to love, and to work out His perfect plan for my life – for my (our) good.
We are home now and he is healing slowly.
But all this to say, our family has been in a season of trial. Especially since Thanksgiving, we have been thrown from one stressful situation to the next. I haven’t been able to spend any ‘extra’ time playing on Pinterest or blogging simply because I HAVE to be spending that time with my Lord, lest I be swallowed up in a pit of despair.
I HAVE to be digging deeper and deeper into His Word so that I can claim TRUTH when the enemy breathes lies down my neck.
I HAVE to be in prayer or else I forget the closeness of Christ in the midst of great suffering.
I HAVE to be available to my family.
I don’t know how much writing I will be able to do in the coming days, but in the meantime, I am keeping a notebook full of blog post ideas and topics that I long to share with all of you. Certainly no lack of ideas – simply lack of time!!
Maybe I should start pumping again in the middle of the night so I can actually get stuff done. Lol!!!!
Thank you to all my precious readers who have emailed with giant question marks wondering what happened to me.
Thank you for responding to the Lord’s promptings to pray for our family.
Love you all.