Sharing is Caring – Teaching Kids to Share

I teach a class of nine 2 year olds and we spend a large part of the day navigating the treacherous waters of sharing.

At any given moment throughout the morning, there is probably a tug of war going on somewhere in the classroom over a beloved item – like a pair of pink plastic sunglasses.

Because what 2-year-old can live without a pair of pink plastic sunglasses?

Or the purse that looks like Todo.  Or the Snow White dress-up dress.  Or the talking tea pot.  Or the Dora the Explorer Lift-the-Flap book.

Often the parents of my students come to the classroom hoping I will teach their kids the alphabet and Mozart and how to appreciate a dictionary.

While we are are busy learning about colors, shapes, and numbers, one of the main benefits of preschool is learning how to simply LIVE LIFE ALONGSIDE OTHER PEOPLE.

So as I encounter students fussing over a toy in my classroom or my own boys in a squabble over a small bar of soap in the bathtub (sharing is slippery business, people), I like to have a few key phrases to help them learn how to live life alongside others in a way that pleases God.

You might be surprised to learn that teaching our children about sharing is NOT about who had the wanted item first, it’s actually a matter of the heart that needs to be addressed.

Over and over and over again.

Here are a few key phrases I use and some ideas that I have found to work when it comes to sharing.

God’s Word

When it comes to behavior, I look to the Bible for wisdom on how to address it with my kids.  Usually I will share a verse with my boys and then make up a song for it so that it will get into their hearts quicker and hopefully for forever. 🙂

It also comes in handy if they are in the middle of an escalating argument because I can interrupt with a cheery little tune of correction and we typically end up laughing (or the husband ends up rolling his eyes because he is a professional musician and thinks my original songs are sub-par).

This verse from Hebrews 13:16 is especially helpful as I am training my boys about sharing.

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16.

Here is a little video of the song so you can learn it too!  (Email subscribers click HERE to see the video).

*Key phrases to encourage sharing –

Recite the verse together and then say, “It pleased God when you gave that toy back to your brother,” or, “It pleases God when we share.”

Treasures in Heaven

What we really want is for our children to develop a generous heart.  Luke 12:33 says, “Sell your possessions and give to those in need.  This will store up treasure for you in heaven!”  I love encouraging my kids to think about eternity and live with their eyes focused on the bigger picture – with the bigger picture here being that in light of eternity and the glorious gift of salvation we have been given through Christ, our stuff doesn’t really matter.  As we get overwhelmed by the love we have been shown by our Father, then our grateful hearts want to overwhelm someone else with the same love and generosity.  And that is how treasures in heaven are acquired.

When we fight to keep the toy we want, we get the treasure on earth.  But when we sacrifice the toy and give it away, then we are blessed with the treasure in heaven.

*Key phrases to encourage sharing –

“Who wants the blessing now, and who wants it in heaven?”

“People are more important than things.”

“Who are you loving most right now?” (this gem I picked up from Brooke McGlothlin and her book Praying for Boys: Asking God for the things They Need Most)

 Great Expectations

I like to give my boys a little pep talk before we go into a situation where a potential sharing problem could arise.  We make up scenarios and practice how we would respond.

Say we are visiting Luke’s house.  I might say to my boys in the car on the way, “What would you do if Luke grabs a toy out of your hands?” or, “What if Luke has a toy that you would like to play with?”

You can get silly and make light of the bad behavior by saying, “Would you turn into a scary monster and roar in his face??” or “Would you snatch it away from Luke and then bop him on the head with it?”

Then I try to direct conversation to the encouragement of Luke 6:30-31, “Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

It’s also a good idea to set up a consequence in advance if your kids fail to share well.

*Key phrases to encourage sharing –

“May I have a turn when you’re done please?”  *HERE is a good article about these magical 9 words.

“I see how upset you are right now.  It’s hard to give up something you like a lot.  But you are a kind and loving boy/girl.  I know God can help you make the right choice here.”

“How would it make you feel if someone wasn’t willing to share with you?”

“Remember, if you make the choice to not share well with Luke, then we will need to leave the play date early.  Let’s make the right choice so we can have fun and bring glory to God!”

Model

It’s SOOOO unbelievably easy to fuss about our kids’ behavior but what about OUR behavior?  Are we being good examples?

When my husband has a plate of fries in front of him, do I swoop over and grab a handful without asking?

When my child is using the bathroom, do I command him to get out or do I politely ask for a turn?

When your kids ask for a bite of the chocolate chips you are wolfing down by the handful do you snap and say, “NO!  These are MOMMY’S!!!!”?

When one of my friends asks to borrow a book or purse or cute top and then they don’t return it, do I talk about it in front of my kids with frustration?

It might not always seem like they are paying attention to how we, as adults, share, but those little boogers are and we need to be humble and willing to grow as Share-ers, too. 🙂

*Key phrases to encourage sharing –

“I am happy to loan you my ___________.”

“I love sharing with you!”

 Super Share-ers

In my classroom, when someone remembers to love a friend well and sacrifice something or handle a situation without screeching like a banshee and lunging for the other kid’s neck, I make a big deal and give them the title of, “SUPER SHARE-ER.”

So when your kids get it right – THROW A PARTY.  Seriously.  Woop and holler and toss confetti from your pocket.  We want to reinforce this behavior, right?  So lavish your little hero with praise.

And possibly some glitter.

*Key phrases to encourage sharing –

“I LOVE the way you shared your toys with Luke today!  I see God working in your life!“

“YOU ARE A SUPER SHARE-ER!!!”

“Super Share-er Alert!  Super Share-er Alert!  This kid is awesome!”

“I’m giving you a hug this instant for the beautiful way you just loved and served your brother.”

A lot of these concepts are hard for small kids to grasp, but you just keep singing it in their ears and one day they will be so great at sharing that you will have to bribe them to ‘pretend fight’ over a toy for a photo shoot about sharing for your blog. 🙂

Lol, just kidding.  3 seconds after I was done taking the photo, the Happy Buddy abruptly let go of the toy which sent the Happy Baby flying backward and onto his bottom which made him so angry that he stood up and slugged his brother.

Next ‘parenting’ post will be called Helping Hands, Not Hurting Hands.

– Julie

*I found a TON of great inspiration for this article from Jodi, over at Meaningful Mama.  I really love her counsel on parenting!  Check out her precious blog and tell her I sent you!*