I just wanted to pop in and update y’all on some life things! We had our baby in October, I went on maternity leave, and then HOLIDAYS. It has certainly been a whirlwind! I’ve never known 11 weeks to pass by so fast. But let me tell you something >> these last 11 weeks have been some of the sweetest.
Baby “Z” is the BEST. BABY. EVERRR. Shhh – don’t tell my other kids. But 3rd baby is LEGIT, folks. I was absolutely terrified with our firstborn – anxious about basically everything from his crying to his sleeping to doctor appointments to thinking we needed to all start drinking unpasteurized goat’s milk to freaking out that he couldn’t figure out how to drink from a sippy cup. I am not even kidding about that. You can read that ridiculous post HERE. If you followed me back then and still follow me now – GOD BLESS YOU.
Then I was absolutely terrified with our second born because he spent 100 days in the NICU and we weren’t sure he would even live. I had to learn how to be okay with things like sooo many doctors and feeding tubes and around the clock exclusive pumping.
Then God gave us Zion.
And while I still get anxious about things (I will share what’s currently on my heart below), it’s on a totally more chill level. I am actually savoring this precious baby and soaking up every minute. It’s taken me 3 babies to see that I wasted so many opportunities fussing, fearing, and trying to control every outcome. This is my chance to trust, treasure, and be grateful.
At the same time, there is grace for those missed opportunities. I had to experience those seasons in order to fully appreciate where we are now. I had to wrestle with my fears before finding freedom in surrendering them! So if you are feeling condemnation for a season of anxious parenting, take heart! What is important is continuing to cry out to the Lord all along the way. God is faithful to help us in our weakness. <3
He helps me every. single. day.
All that to say, Zion is so precious. He is strong and healthy and is eating amazing (approximately every 45-90 minutes around the clock – Mama is tiiiiired – but nursing him is such an unbelievable gift). He absolutely won’t sleep anywhere but my arms during the day, but goes down pretty well at night. He is so sweet – like a happy little puppy – always ready to engage and have a conversation. He makes the sweetest baby coos and has the funniest expressions. He sneezes like a grown man. His eyes are bright. Big brothers ADORE baby and sometimes I have to be like, “Back off” because the smothering is real. Fortunately, Z is pretty chill about being puddle kissed 500 times a day.
I am going back to work on January 7th and I am having alllll the feelings about it. While I am so excited to get back to preschool director-ing, see all my awesome preschool students, and I think it will be good for me to have a reason to actually get dressed every day (in the 3 outfits that currently fit #newyearsresolution), I am sad to say goodbye to this sweet season with my baby! Work will bring back a certain level of stress and hustle that I have enjoyed not having for a time. Baby Zion has helped me learn how to slow it waaay down. I may not be sleeping a whole lot, but I feel rested.
So the anticipation of going back to work has given me some nerves. God was so sweet to give me a good word the other day when I was reading the Bible and came across the story of the feeding of the 5,000 in Mark 6:30-44. The people were coming to Jesus and they were hungry. The first thing Jesus did was direct them to sit down (v. 39). Initially, I thought it was strange that the story included this detail, but the more I thought about it, the more it made the story even more beautiful! Jesus directed them to sit down because sitting down is a position of rest. When I am hungry or anxious and coming to Jesus with a need, I love knowing that the Lord’s first direction for me is to REST. Then He takes care of the provision. In abundance.
I can relax and trust that God will provide for us in this new adventure – more than I can imagine!
A good perspective to remember as we enter 2019 together!
The boys kept asking to stay up until midnight on New Year’s Eve and do all the party things. I finally caved because I will probably be up all night partying with Z-man, so the more the merrier. 😉
We grilled out, dined on the patio and asked THESE QUESTIONS while we ate. When I asked one of the boys what he resolved to do in 2019, he said, “I want to feed Baby Z with my body so that I can hold him all day.” Ohhhh boy. 😉
I am excited for 2019 and all that is to come! If you have any blog content ideas for me, I would LOVE to hear them! One of my greatest accomplishments from maternity leave was that I figured out how to use the Stories feature on Instagram – ha! I was always so intimidated by it, but with all those nursing sessions, I had to keep busy! 😉 If you don’t already follow me on Instagram, I would love to have you join me!
But more than anything, I pray that you and I can “sit down” and be blessed by God’s faithful provision each and every day.
Happy New Year, sweet friends!