Dear Happy Buddy,
Today was so much fun. You woke up early to your annual decorated birthday door. You opened presents (a ton of new Matchbox Nascars that your dad and I hunted down all over South Florida Targets and Walmarts). You ate Mickey-shaped pancakes and bacon for breakfast. We went to church. We had a basketball-themed birthday party with some of your best buds. We came home, went swimming, had all of your favorite foods for dinner, and read stories in bed.
Everything was wonderful and amazing and I would do it all over again because I LOVE YOU – but PHEW! I am so tired I hope I can form a few sentences here that make sense.
Because I cannot let this day end without letting you know that you are another year older and I am another year blessed to be your mama.
I know I am hard on you a lot. You are so smart that I sometimes forget you are a kid.
And a human. 🙂
I hate that I get so frustrated when you make a mistake… I have years of messed up ideas in my head about God expecting us all to be perfect all the time and I see daily how this faulty thinking shakes out in my parenting. I am hard on myself and that makes me hard on others – especially my darling boys.
Our dear Savior, however, is blowing my mind lately with the sweet fragrance of grace and I am growing while clinging to the Vine, but I find that where the spirit is willing, the flesh is so weak!
So often when you are asleep at night I lay awake in bed thinking about all the ways I failed to show you Jesus that day and so I slip out from under the covers, creep down the hall, and quietly approach your bed so that I can watch you sleep.
And as I watch your precious chest rise and fall, I pray. I pray with all my heart that somehow the Lord will teach you about His grace and love and kindness and unconditional love IN SPITE OF ME.
Because HE is truly the best parent.
So, my precious boy, tonight as we close out another year of your dear and marvelous life and look with hope-filled eyes to a new one, I want you to know that I love you and that you are His and you are loved by the King of Kings and that NOTHING YOU SAY OR DO WILL CHANGE THAT.
Forgive me for when I don’t communicate that well! I pray you will know that my heart is always FOR YOU and with the purest desire to see you grow to be a strong, faithful young man. I see God sewing those seeds in you even now and let me tell you something – it is the best thing to watch.
And I pray that you will always remember the sweet moments…
Like reading books together before bed. Like flipping pancakes and getting notes in your lunch pail. Like late night back tickles and time spent watching you race dozens of Matchbox cars around and around your room. Like praise times on Sunday morning and fresh sheets on the bed. Like Dollar Spot surprises and chocolate chip zucchini muffins. Like playing Battleship and Uno and backyard baseball games and cheering you on while you ride your new two-wheeler. Like clean laundry and ‘cheesy casseroles’. Like laughing over your homemade iPhone videos and enjoying ice cream on the beach. Like snorkeling in the neighbor’s pool and exchanging big bear hugs when you wake up.
It’s not perfect, but because of what He has done it is beautiful and I am forever grateful for the absolute privilege of being your mama.
I adore you, buddy. Thank you for being patient as we both grow in the Lord. I can’t wait to see what He does in you (and me) this year. 🙂
Your mama xoxo