9 Months and My New Year’s Resolutions

9 months

Dear Happy Baby,

2012 was a crazy one for you!

For starters, you were born on April 3. :-)

Then you spent almost 100 days in the hospital being treated for everything from a fatal genetic disease, to a disabling infectious disease, to a muscle weakness called hypotonia, to a kidney condition called VUR, to a feeding disorder, and surgery for a muscle biopsy and g-tube.

Those 3 months were some of the toughest your mama has ever faced!

It pained me to see you in your hospital crib, being cared for by everyone in the world it seemed, but me.  I had some serious competition with all those nurses!

When we finally got you home in July, things started to change.

I got to really be your mommy – change every diaper, give you a bath every night, and even pick out your outfits each day.

I got to wake with you through the night and be the first one there when you let out a whimper.

I got to give you unlimited snuggles and hugs and kisses without any wires or leads in the way.

You started to eat better and by the time Thanksgiving week arrived, we were able to have a surgery to get your feeding tube removed.

And since then, you have really started to grow.

In fact, I think you had a growth spurt right at the start of the new year!  I am finally noticing some ham hocks on those yummy thighs of yours!

But, even with all the progress you have made, I still battle this awful thing called fear.

Every cold you get, every time you throw up, every funny twitch or out-of-the-ordinary thing you do fills me with a nervousness that your health is still in jeopardy and that maybe, just maybe I had something to do with it when you were growing in my tummy.

But fear is not from God.  And, to be honest, I feel that this fear robs me of truly experiencing the joy He wants me to experience through your precious life.

9 months4So…

My New Year’s Resolutions for 2013 are for you, my boy.

This year I resolve to lay down my anxieties.

“Do not be anxious about anything…” Philippians 4:6

This year I resolve to stop ‘Googling’ things about mitochondrial damage.

“Do not fret.  It leads only to evil.” Psalm 37:8b

This year I resolve to run to Jesus whenever I feel afraid about your health or decisions I have to make regarding it.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

This year I resolve to remember that you are going to do things in your own timing and stop worrying why they haven’t happened yet.  You will eventually sit up.  Your teeth will eventually come in.  You will eat solid food.  You will run around with your big brother one day.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

This year I resolve to stop comparing you to fat babies. :-)

“Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” Matthew 6:26

This year I resolve to remember that God is my strength and my peace each new morning (even the mornings where you wake up with signs of a cold).

“The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; the Lord is enthroned as King forever.  The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace.” Psalm 29:10-11.

This year I resolve to stop snacking on so much granola before bed.

Okay, that one is not about you.  But I do really need to get some self-control over that.

9 months2This year I resolve to remember His truths about who you are and who He created you to be.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well…” Psalm 139:13-14

This year I resolve not to carry guilt or shame as if I had something to do with your health…  God makes no mistakes.

“I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered in shame.” Psalm 34:4-5

This year I resolve to live in the moment with you – treasuring each minute of your baby-ness!

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself…” Matthew 6:34

This year I resolve to memorize God’s Word more so that when my flesh is tempted to break all of these resolutions I will have some serious war tactics.

“The law of his God is in his heart; his steps do not slip.” Psalm 37:31

But ultimately, this year I resolve to be surrendered to God’s will.  To hold you with open hands before the throne – always, always remembering that His ways are best.

“All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful…” Psalm 25:10

Happy 9 months, Happy Baby, and Happy New Year.

:-)9 months3

36 thoughts on “9 Months and My New Year’s Resolutions

  1. So beautiful!! God bless your sweet baby and your family. I am using some of these same beautiful Bible Verses as my angel leaves to go back to college tomorrow. I will miss her with all my heart. Thank you for sharing. ♥

  2. Those are fantastic resolutions! Love them. I know it’s different, but I would often compare my 10 week premature baby to others and realized I just couldn’t. He does things on his own timing, not the usual. He didn’t eat solids till he was a year (partially my choice since I was doing Baby Led Weaning and no purees). Regardless, I respect how you are just trusting God-cause sometimes that’s just not easy! Great job, Mama!

  3. God bless your family, especially this beautiful little boy.  I am going to become a grandma for the first time on Thursday.  My granddaughter!  I will add you and your son to my prayers.   Love,   Linda


  4. Cannot believe how stinkin’ cute he is! I remember my own baby boy (now 8) and how I never thought I wanted a boy. When he was born . . . oh. my. goodness! Something about those little monkeys. I wanted to eat him with a spoon, he was so yummy!

    Blessings to you for this new year. Take comfort in knowing that God is never surprised. He knew what was going to happen last year and he knows what will happen tomorrow.

  5. Thank you, Julie. Such a sweet post for ALL moms (of kids all ages) who worry about their childrens’ futures, who so willingly take on blame & responsibility, who would so much rather suffer themselves than have their little (or big) ones do so. Anxiety is really NOT God’s will for us.

    My resolution for the New Year? A heart so full of gratitude that there is no room for anything else.

    Blessings and Hugs-

  6. Oh Julie you are such an inspiration!!! My son (as I’ve told you before) has a heart condition that he had since birth, he had an angioplasty at 5 days old and ever since he was 5 days old they have talked about open heart cable replacement surgery and how they want to try to wait until he is older and older and older but always acting like it was right around te corner! He is now 6 an 1/2 yrs old and has yet to have the surgery!! But your. New Years resolutions (for the most part:-) ) I’m stealing!! Bc yes….he is 6.5 yrs old…and every day if those 6.5 yrs and even today I have worried to death about his spunky little body!!!!!! It never goes away but it’s precious mommies like you that keep bringing me back to our Lord Jesus being in control and to just enjoy every day we have with all of our kids and husbands and parents and siblings and friends!!!! You are such a sweet transparent girl and I thank you for that and your powerful testimony!!! (And I think you are speaking I our mops again soon (Grace baptist) so ill see u then:-) God bless you and your amazing, beautiful little love muffins!!!!

  7. I love this post, and I was so surprised when I got to the end and saw you ended with surrender… that’s my word for the year! Our little NICU guy gave us that same anxiety for quite some time, too, even after things were looking “normal.” I love how you cited God’s truths for each of your goals… He continues to be my fortress and my rock, long after the medical drama has ended. Just to help you out with the baby comparisons, my 3-year-old ate his first solid food (a Gerber Puff- I don’t think that even counts as solid!) without gagging and throwing it up 2 weeks after he turned 9 months. At 10 months, he miraculously got the hang of eating overnight, and I wrote, “After a lifetime of puking if he eats even a speck of solid food, B today suddenly could feed himself. He gobbled up Gerber Puffs like he was starved. 100% opposite of yesterday!” It will come for your Happy Baby, too! You gotta compare with other kiddos who had a rough start- our little warriors are charting their own paths! (and when you get around to worrying (maybe just a teensy bit :)) about him walking this spring, my son was (an ancient :)) 16 months when he started walking, and now he runs ALL over the place. I’m loving to see how God’s working in your baby’s life! Happy year of surrender to you and your happy family!

  8. God Bless you and your family. What a touching, beautiful, uplifting post that has helped raise me up. You are such a blessing to us – thank you! Happy New Year! What a testimony you have and you have trusted Him through it all.

  9. Thank you for this post. What a beautiful baby boy you have been given by our God. Praying for your adorable son and for God’s healing hand to be upon him.

    In Christ name,

  10. Thank you for the post! It reminded me of a truth the Lord taught me earlier this year when facing my own scary medical stuff. He promises to keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Him – so I have to be one whose mind is stayed on my Rock and not her whose mind is stayed on Google! In my Savior is perfect peace & in my Internet is just the opposite! Praying for a precious year of blessings & milestones & surrendering & peace!

  11. Thank you for your posts! They are such a blessing to read! I am one of the girls that is in Cheri’s bible study, we met once at Cheri’s house! I am always encouraged when I read your posts, it’s nice to know I am not the only one to struggle with some of these things. My little one was born prematurely, and doesn’t have any where near the struggles your little guy has had but it is so hard for not to compare or worry about his development. It is a daily thing I struggle, and needing to remembering to give him over to God and trusting that he is his child! I will be writing all the verses you referenced and be putting them so where to read when I first wake up :) thank you for being so transparent! My son and I continue to pray for your little guy! Praying for a wonderful 2013 :)

  12. My daughter had so many difficulties as a baby since she had hypotonia. Just to add some encouragement that she didn’t roll/crawl for well past a year and she finally walked at 23 months. Now she is a happy 4 year old who runs and jumps with all her friends. She may not be a star athlete but she is my social butterfly who has caught up to all her milestones and no longer is behind. The Lord is faithful and every time fears would creep in I started praying against them because Christ is in control and loves my precious girl even more than I do. Thanks so much for your blog. Your ideas, positive outlook, and honesty through your journey are inspiring!

  13. You are so inspiring. And your baby is beautiful! Thank you for your blog, your way with words, and most of all for Sharing God’s word through this blog. This one has got me a bit choked up (although I just finished watching Looper and was already pretty emotional). :)

  14. What an inspiring post! Your little guy is so precious and it’s been amazing watching God work in his life! May God bless you all this year.

    • I appreciate you sharing and pray that you will have peace this year to accept & enjoy your baby boy at the stages he’s at.
      God bless you and your family!

  15. So beautiful. Both of you. Having a special needs child takes parenting to a completely new level and it’s so easy for our anxieties to become consuming. Having been there, I understand and empathize. And I believe you couldn’t be more on the right track. Fear and worry aren’t from God. They waste our energy and rob us of joy and comfort. Keep hanging on, friend. {hugs}

  16. Your resolutions are strangely similar including leaving all my worries about my baby’s health in God’s hands and not snacking on that granola during that final pumping session. :) our babies will develop in God’s perfect timing!!

  17. Your precious baby boys are such a gift to you. The amazing journey you have been on with the Happy Baby has touched the lives of so many. Thank you for sharing and baring your soul! Your wisdom is priceless to others traveling this road. Our grandson had many of the growing and maturing milestone problems that you have experienced with your little special needs child. The best feeling is when a special milestone is reached it is a time for celebration and praising our great God! And YES, God’s timing is always perfect and His ways are always best. Fear is definitely not from God. You and your family are truly blessed.

  18. I loved watching Jet for a few minutes this morning at Rio–he is soooo beautiful and precious! :-) I struggle with fear every day and I hope that this year I, too, can surrender it daily to the Lord. It is so wearying. We are so very blessed to be children of the King..wholly and perfectly loved and cherished by the Lord. God bless you and your family in this new year! Love, Marla :-)

  19. Julie! What did I tell you about Google panic! No more Google-ing! Consider yourself lovingly rebuked! I can’t tell you how much grief Google has caused me!!! And as far as the blame game is concerned, I’m working on a post right now about that so stay tuned! Love you!

  20. I admire your strength. I pray The Lord continue to fill you but more than anything use you the way he does towards us mothers.

  21. Oh My! That has to be the most precious thing I have read in a long time!!!!! BEAUTIFUL! Our 16 yr. old was diagnosed with cancer when he was 3. I still find myself getting nervous when he gets a fever or something wierd goes on. As a mother of nine, I love to read your posts. Your excitement over your biblical calling as a wife and mother are CONTAGIOUS. Keep on keeping on!

  22. Dearest Julie, Your new years resolutions are straight from the Lord and I pray you will be able to keep them all !!!  Fretting only brings on more fear and just suppose Jethro grows up to be healthy and strong (which he will) and you have wasted all that time and energy on something that never happened.  As you know, perfect love casts out fear.  I tell you these things because I experienced them with Robert.   Even though he did not go through Jethro’s problems, he had asthma and I lived in fear after one day coming home to find him blue in his crib while the maid was in the garage ironing. The friend with me drove me ( on an empty tank of gas to the nearest hospital which was in Miami and we lived in Coral Gables. Talk about fear !!  Anyway, I say this to say, all my fear and anxious heart did nothing to heal him and today he is 62 and going strong. As I look back, I wish I had had the wisdom to lay him and all my worries at the feet of Jesus and trust Him to care for him. I pray Noah and Jethro will be spiritual giants and it looks as if they are well on their way and I pray you may experience perfect peace ( Philippians 4: 6-8 as you minister to them. My love to you and the family, Grandmommy

  23. Thank you for sharing this. I know that all moms struggle with a lot of these feelings, but it’s so hard to worry that your baby is in danger. You are very brave, and I’m happy you are able to so eloquently put words together for those of us who are dealing with similar things. It was very comforting to hear, and I feel like God led me to read this just when I needed to most. :)

  24. I need to apply all those verses every day as well. Thank you, my sister and my friend, for your love for God’s Word and your faithfulness in applying and sharing it.

  25. hey there,

    when i read your email , i just felt that me who is talking because i had the same experience with my daughter … just dropping by to tell you you are not alone with that … & that everything will be ok , i hope so , just smile , don’t lose hope & God will be with us :)

    best wishes for you & your baby :)

    Arch.Bassent A.Fisal

  26. Thank you so much for sharing this. You brought tears to my eyes. As the mother of 4 girls, 2 of which are identical twins born 5 1/2 weeks early this year, I battle fear and anxiety daily. Thank you so much for these verses. I might have to post them on the fridge!

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