Somewhere along the way of my growing up, I got it in my head that I had to be perfect in order to make people (and God) happy.
And I got pretty darn good at pretending!
I kept my room tidy, got straight A’s at school, combed my hair every day, acted respectfully toward adults…
Hearing, “You’re such a good girl,” was one of my greatest delights as a child. I mean, who doesn’t love a nice pat on the back??
The problem was when “You’re such a good girl,” planted seeds of pride and self-reliance in my heart.
I started to think that I was a good girl.
Which led me to believe that I didn’t really need a Savior.
Fortunately, over the years (and especially after becoming a mommy, amen?!), my eyes have been opened to my short-comings and weaknesses and the Gospel has taken on a whole new meaning in my heart.
I literally cannot make it through a day without depending on His strength, grace, wisdom, power to survive! Seriously the other day the Happy Buddy had left a yogurt cup on the table in the living room and the whole couch got a paint job courtesy of the Happy Baby. On top of that, the two brothers were fussing at each other about every 8 seconds. I was walking around our house shouting, “Lord, give me patience!” to try to keep from losing one of the few marbles I have left.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound! That saved a wretch like me!
These are the words I long to hear spill out of my Happy Buddies’ mouths as they grow and learn about Jesus.
I long to see my boys clinging to God and living in His presence every minute of every day.
I don’t want them to think that their good choices or obedience come from their own strength.
We are sinners in need of a Savior.
I want them to know that God helps them grow. God causes them to choose rightly.
So I recently decided to rephrase some of my words when I see one of my boys obeying.
Instead of saying, “You’re such a good boy!”
I try to say, “I see God working in your life.”
Because any fruit, any goodness reflected in our actions, is a result of Jesus’ work on our behalf.
I want to point my babies to Jesus so that they will come to depend on Him for everything.
Last week we attended a little last day of school sprinkler party at a friend’s house.
The kids were all playing with these fun squirt gun things.
One of the boys playfully aimed his at the Happy Buddy’s face and blasted him with water.
Ohhhh boy. I didn’t realize that my boy was part Hulk! He squinted up his eyes, glared so hard I thought his head might pop, and shouted at the boy, “STOP THAT, YOU MEANIE!”
I took the Happy Buddy aside and we spoke briefly about his reaction. He’d been learning about 1 Corinthians 13 at school, so a “Love is kind” reminder seemed appropriate. 🙂 He apologized to the boy.
A few minutes later everyone was running around having fun, but he got some water in the face again, and this time, I watched him closely to see how he would respond.
I saw the torment on his face – the struggle to keep his mouth from spurting angry words.
And I saw him choose to stay silent.
Later when we were in the house alone, drying off, I rested my hands on my boy’s shoulders and spoke to him.
“Precious boy, I want you to know how proud I am of you.”
He kind of looked at me in surprise.
“When the water was shot in your face a second time, I saw how you chose not to get angry. I know that must have been a hard choice because your flesh wanted to yell and scream. But I saw how God gave you the strength to do the right thing. I want you to know that I see God working in your life, my darling. I am so excited to watch you grow in His ways!”
Well, you should have seen the look on the Happy Buddy’s face after that speech!
Oh I wish I did this more!
I feel like I spend more time fussing at him for obedience, but my goal is to be more intentional to look for the ways God is working on the Happy Buddy.
I pray that he will come to know the love of Christ that way.
That His love is less about rule following and tidy rooms and good grades and more about His amazing grace.
🙂
“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God…” Ephesians 2:8
God’s grace to us is so reflected in your grace toward Happy Buddy….absolutely heart-warming. The older I get and the older those around me get (children, husband)…the more I come to know His grace and savor each moment He shows it to me.
I love this!! I say “your such a good girl” all the time. I am going to try and start saying “I see God working in your life”!! Thank you!!
May God bless you for blessing me with this post today. I have 4 children with whom I need to take this approach. 2 of them are big and two little. May God bless me with the opportunity to use this wisdom you have shared. Thank you!
Thanks, Julie. This is so good! Such an important distinction to make for our kids!
Wow, I wish I had thought of this when my kids were little! But I don’t think it is to late for me to start even with my adult child (crazy thought) I can especially do it with my youngest,, and even the ones in between. Thank you for the reminder of where our strength comes from. I love seeing God working in YOUR life.
Encouragement instead of praise is a research based idea. I love the way you put Jesus into this very proven truth. We are slowly ruining our children with the continuous praise of “good job”. We say it so much that it loses all meaning or worse yet produces children who need constant approval and are unable to judge their acomplishments for themselves. Encouragement, however, is vital to supporting children. Words such as “I see that”, “I noticed”, “what do you think”, or “tell me how you” encourage children and extend their thinking and ability to evaluate their own accomplishments. I use these skills with my preschoolers everyday and have no need for behavior charts, prize boxes, or other bribing tools. So empowering to our young learners!
Thank you Julie. Your Weiss have had a huge impact on me;as a Christian, mother and teacher.
Thank you so much for this post! I have been reading ‘parenting with grace’ but hadn’t yet worked out how to stop with the ‘good boy/girl’ comment (might help if I finish the book). Thanks for sharing the way God is working in your heart and home!
I love this post! I enjoyed reading it. You are doing a really good job at raising and introducing God to him. I can imagine how good it feels to say “I see God working in your life.” to your kids. Thank you for sharing this!
What a great post. God’s grace has completely changed how I parent. I am more concerned with their heart than their actions.
Amazng! Thank you SO much for a blog of real substance…Blessings to you and your Happy Family 🙂
Beautiful and a little (no a lot) convicting that I need to lift my child up (pun intended) when I see her making good choices. Thank you.
This is such a fabulous perspective and I am so grateful that you shared this post. You have been a blessing to me this morning – and my little girls also through me as I hope to apply this approach ! God bless you
Love this! I will definitely be saying this to my happy kiddos! Thank you for your wisdom, my friend!
This idea is such a blessing to me! Thank you! My son is 10 years old & I still need fresh ideas on parenting God’s greatest gift to me…Can’t wait until I get to use this for the first time! {hugs}
I just saw your blog today. I was reading some of the articles you had. Love the grout cleaning one and then read the “I see God working in your life” Awesome. We have adopted my grand daughter. She is 10 yrs. old now. We got her at 2 1/2 yrs. She has ADHD and other challenges. Some days I feel like God really has a sense of humor thinking I could raise this child at my age. We are always arguing. Thank you so much for I see God working in your life. She knows Jesus and knows the Bible but so many times I feel like I am not encouraging her. I will use this often. God bless you.
THANK YOU! It looks like you wrote this a few years ago. I came upon your blog while looking for a way to teach my son about repentance. I started using this phrase with my son in the morning, by the afternoon he was recognizing that misbehaving meant that you aren’t listening to God. It also makes me check myself and my behavior!