There is a new movie coming out this weekend – just in time for Valentine’s Day.
Fifty Shades of Grey – have you heard of it?
Haha.
When the book originally came out I didn’t pay much attention on purpose. I knew that it wasn’t something that I wanted to set before my eyes (Psalm 101:3).
But now with a movie making its debut, I am completely sobered by just how accessible and appealing this content is to so many.
Christian women included.
There are lots of reasons why this movie and book is harmful – dangerous, even – for you (Sheila from To Love, Honor, and Vacuum wrote a great post about it HERE and Thriving Home shared an incredible article called Can 50 Shades of Grey Enhance Your Sex Life? HERE), but when considering participating in things that our world wildly celebrates, I think it all boils down to asking ourselves a couple of questions…
Is engaging with this kind of material going to draw me closer to Jesus? Is it going to make me look more like Him to others (my spouse included)?
I remember a few years ago I was reading a series of books written by a popular Christian author (yes, Christian). Every storyline involved some sort of radical trial that the main character(s) would suffer (like murder, AIDS, rape, a child’s near drowning). The stories also portrayed marriage in such a way that seemed unrealistic and fairy tale-ish at times. But I was so drawn to these books and couldn’t put them down. It was like an escape for me.
I got so wrapped up in these books that I would find myself INTERCEDING IN PRAYER for the FICTIONAL characters throughout the day!
It was CUH-RAY-ZEE.
However, it didn’t even stop there. The more I read, the more I was consumed with anxiety that horrible things were going to happen to me (as they did to characters in the stories) and I became discontent in my relationship with my husband because I compared him to the male heroes in my books.
After awhile I finally listened to the Holy Spirit and removed all of the books from my home because they just weren’t helping me with the ultimate goal –
BECOMING MORE LIKE JESUS.
It sounds like a lame example as there weren’t any whips or graphic bedroom scenes in these stories, but I believe my struggle was similar to the woman reading/watching Fifty Shade of Grey. Our own brokenness/flesh/weakness causes us to easily be disillusioned to what is REAL LIFE and what is GOD’S TRUTH.
God’s Word is full of verses that speak to protect us from things that will ultimately enslave us/lead us into bondage (like that fear I was all tangled up in and the critical eye I was dishing out on the hubs). It even encourages us to fill our minds with only the things that are excellent, pure, lovely, admirable, and right (Philippians 4:8). And the Gospel continually sets forth a message of self-sacrificing love that is unconditional, patient, and kind (Philippians 2:3-11).
Often things that aren’t of the Lord typically FEEL really good for a MOMENT, but in the end they will leave you with that never-satisfied hunger for more. You will find that the momentary pleasure or arousal of a glamorized Hollywood movie will really, when it fades, just make you more aware of the emptiness that we suffer apart from Christ.
Because Christ provides everything we need for a life of joy and love and intimacy so much greater than you could ever read about in a book (other than the Bible) or see on the big screen (read Song of Solomon if you don’t believe me).
So, sweet ladies, this Valentine’s Day weekend, I encourage you to not go see this movie.
Instead, do one of THESE ideas with your husband. Leave him THESE notes. Send him one of THESE flirty texts. God created us for intimacy that is fun and sexy and pure and reflective of His unfailing love for you.
But ultimately, let’s be women who make JESUS the One that captures our hearts, our desires, and our imagination every day in this crazy, down-spiraling world.
And I can tell you with certainty that His kind of love does not include a necktie.
– Julie
“For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.” Ephesians 5:8-11
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Julie Brasington is wife of a worship pastor, a preschool teacher, and the creator of Happy Home Fairy, a popular blog focusing on encouraging and equipping moms to choose joy and Jesus on the parenting journey. She shares easy craft ideas, printables, simple recipes, holiday fun, thoughts on raising her 2 awesome boys, trusting God in the midst of poop blow-outs and toddler tantrums, and figuring out if serving scrambled eggs for dinner 4 nights in a row is an acceptable meal plan. Follow her on Facebook HERE, Twitter HERE, and Instagram HERE.
Pulling Back The Shades, written by Dr. Julie Slattery and another author from the ministry Authentic Intimacy, is an alternative. Dr. Slattery has a podcast on Moody Radio, also. They speak of the Christian, Biblical outline of sex and marriage and why this worldly book and perception is harmful.
Thank you Julie for writing this much needed post regarding the “Grey” in our lives. May we not straddle the fence but jump firmly into Jesus’ pasture and stay there. I had a postcard by our phone in the kitchen when the kids were growing up that read: Be like JESUS in my thoughts, words, & actions. (TV, movies, books, mags, and jokes too)? Keep encouraging moms, you water…you wait…you’ll see!?
What baffles & saddens me is that if this was reversed…..think of husbands standing around talking about this “steamy” book that all the other husbands are reading. Discussing openly how “hot” the one character is & how they can not wait to go see this soft-porn movie??? I have been at neighborhood barbecues & little league games where women are openly discussing the book & movie while their husbands are awkwardly standing next to them. I know that if it was reversed, woman would be offended & rightly speak-up about it. So, why are we degrading our men? And when did this become socially acceptable?
Honestly,it bothers me not so much that men are being “degraded” by having their women talk about this book and now the movie (for once the boot is on the other foot;men talk about women in that way all the time, at least where I am from).
What bothers me (and I read the books-I confess,I was curious what all the fuss was about) is that people think that this is a ‘beautifully written story’,or that this is romance.. FFS…this is domestic violence, emotional abuse and manipulation pure and simple. Of course, seeing it is a millionaire who is the abuser,it gets masked as romance,and glamour. If Christian Grey had been living in a trailer park, we’d have had pseudo-feminists (the kind who argue that Kim Kardashian’s naked photos are empowering) clamouring for his arrest and imprisonment. And in real-life, Ana would end up on a slab in the morgue.
Thank you for writing this article. I have been struggling with how to address this movie. My husband and I are working toward being more Jesus-centered in our marriage and in our lives. I feel like this is just one more thing to become us and God. I’m so glad that I have your posts to turn to when I am in need of God-inspiration. I always know I can find it here.
Amen, Julie!!!! The Holy Spirit has been stirring me about this for weeks!!!❤️ I absolutely agree that as women of God we should check against scriptures and be walking as Jesus would want us to be walking. We would be considered hypocrites if we said one thing and then casually watched this movie or read the book! Love you sister in Christ!!!!
Hi Julie,
Thank you for addressing this issue of purity and conscience in our current era of the ‘death of shame’!
I LOVE this quote from Ben Franklin: “‘Tis easier to surpress the first Desire, than to satisfy all that follow it”.
In my own words, “it is better to avoid the first Sin, than to be unsatisfied by all the subsequent ones”.
Blessings and love to you and yours!
If you want a great date night for Valentine’s at a theater without all the steaminess, check out http://www.oldfashionedmovie.com/
If you can’t make it to a theater but still want to support groups that are against this, research the #50dollarsnot50shades movement.
NO! NO! NO! I truly “hate” everything this movie stands for. So proud of you-that you are standing up for us believers!!!! Interesting that you are the second Christian mommy blogger that has written about this today. Let’s stand firm in Christ!
Well written article. It surprises me how many of my Christian friends don’t see anything wrong with the books or movie. It really saddens my heart. Now is a good time to His light to shine through us.
Hi Julie, I am an older woman now, with 3 beautiful daughters, who are young ladies now. I don’t know too much about the book and don’t want to know about the movie. Just the title alone sounds, well not good, that is enough for me to say, OH, NO!!!!!!! Jesus must look down from Heaven and be so disgusted with this world. I know that I am. Our poor grandchilren, what a terrible world they are going to see one day. Man has done this, not our Jesus. I thank the Lord that I am saved, and my family too. And that one day we all will meet on that beautiful shore loving on our Jesus!!!! And Julie, I wil see my son who is already there. I can’t wait!!!!! But for now, we must keep living for Jesus, with smiles on our faces, and when that chance comes to share who are, let us just DO IT!!!!! :):) Thank you for your boldness about this book, and you for your web-site:):) Sincerely Sue B.
Amen! Amen! Amen!!! Thank you for saying this. God continue to use you!
❤️
Amen, Amen, amen!!! I was just talking to my husband last week about why I choose not to read even “Christian Romance” novels of which the topic arose after a book exchange at church. I was disappointed in the book I received, but more disappointed that some Christian women don’t see the harm. I’ve spent the last 6 months purging our home of music, movies and magazines. My filter was if a Christian wouldn’t or shouldn’t act or say certain things than we shouldn’t see or hear it either. I also wanted my home to be a 100% Jesus approved safe zone for my daughter and future babysitters. I cleaned my home and cleaned my mind. It’s not like we had R rated videos or anything, but I felt really convicted that owning a movie that promoted lying, stealing or cheating on any level was sinful and certainly not a legacy or lifestyle I wanted for myself or my family. I feel somewhat ignorant now when it comes to entertainment because I just don’t even pay attention to the latest movie or TV series. So, I really can’t speak to this movie coming out (I have no idea what it’s about), but I wholeheartedly agree with you and stand with you in conviction and desire for purity.
Hey Julie 🙂
thank you for this post – its so true…!!
Im writing because i sended you mail, but i think its again in spam :-/ maybe you will check it?
Greetings from poland,
Tabby
Amen!! Thank you for not making me feel like the only one not following this book/ movie phase! I just heard Jason Evert speak last week, and his words of chastity in marriage was so uplifting! Love your blog! God bless!
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I’ve always been anti 50 shades for many reasons but what troubled me was that – no matter how difficult, no matter how out of our comfort zone it is – I somehow realised that the Christian response to it couldn’t be to just ignore it or simply dismiss it as porn.
I think Jesus would have gone head to head with it – as He had that knack of doing in all difficult situations – and engage with it on some level that glorified God’s love over the ‘love’ portrayed in the series. I had no idea how to do this though and I like that Christian blogs and writers have tried to do so. The problem was always that – non believers – had no interest in this standpoint and I didn’t have the skill to get over that wall.
I tweeted a lot about my opposition to it and someone sent me a link to a Christian fiction response that takes the original format of the book and then ‘mirrors’ it with a story about God’s love taking in concepts like ‘doulos’ and salvation along the way. I’ve given it to some friends – the same ones that had no interest in Christian blog posts – and they’ve really been engaged and informed by it and have gone on to engage in real talks about faith underpinned by it. One is (tentatively) attending church. It seems to work because it targets fiction readers and then is an interesting novel in its own right but very very centered on the message of God’s awesome love.
For me that underpins that the key in the debate is – not to preach to one another about it – but to use it as a chance to outreach. The link – should anyone be interested is
amzn.to/1Ac2x9c