About 3 weeks ago, I was changing the Happy Baby’s diaper on his changing table.
I saw that we had run out of diapers in the little bin I keep them in, so I turned away for a second to grab a new box.
And that’s when I heard it.
Oh my goodness I would not wish the feelings I felt in that moment on anyone.
I scooped up my precious fallen baby and the two of us cried enough tears to fill an entire IKEA store.
As I clung to the Happy Baby, frantically trying to make sure he could still track my fingers and respond to my voice, I felt a heaviness take residence on my chest.
How in the world could I let something like this happen??
After all he’d been through – had I really just added a major fall to the list??????
The guilt was palpable.
The hubs and I worked together to make sure our son was okay. I knew that he hadn’t hit his head on the way down – he’d landed on his side, so that was encouraging, but my heart was heavy with fear. After everyone had cried enough, there was nothing left to do but sleep, so we laid the Happy Baby down in his crib.
As soon as the door to his room was shut, I disappeared into our bedroom, found a corner, got into the fetal position and wept.
Then I sent out a text asking for prayer from a few close friends.
I called the Happy Baby’s chiropractor (a member of our church) and tearfully asked if he would be at church in the morning and would he be willing to fix any problems. He was so kind to me and said yes, he’d be there.
Finally, I called my pastor’s wife.
By the end of our conversation I learned 3 things.
My pastor’s wife told me was that God made babies to have softer bones than adults – that they are designed as these incredibly resilient, elastic little beings.
It’s like He knew beforehand (well, obviously, since He is God) that the busy-ness of being a mom would occasionally allow for accidents, so he went ahead and graciously provided protection for those precious babies in advance.
I think dropping the Happy Baby was harder on me than it was on him!
With that said, sometimes babies DO get hurt, so if you dropped your baby, please make sure you take all the proper precautions. Keep a watchful, diligent eye on your child. Take him or her to the doctor if you notice anything unusual – you know your baby best. Seeing a doctor will probably help you have the peace of mind you need after something traumatic like this happens.
2. God Loves Me (and my baby).
I cannot even begin to express the agony I felt for allowing such a terrible thing to happen.
Like I physically almost threw up from feeling so awful.
But as I sat there beating myself up and spiraling down a slippery slope of self-loathing, I felt the Lord’s tender reminder that He loves me.
He showed me that in spite of my many, MANY parenting mistakes/failures/accidents/weaknesses, He still loves me and extends His amazing grace even to the most horrible of situations.
I will never be a perfect parent. I will fail so many more times than this (although I think I learned my lesson to never leave a child unattended on a changing table).
But God will ALWAYS right the wrongs, because that is what He is in the business of doing.
Even if my baby had been seriously hurt, I know God would have brought about glory for Himself somehow.
We must not forget that He loves and cares for our children even more than we do.
This was the message God whispered to me over and over and over again when we were in the hospital with him. When he was given powerful chemo drugs for 6 weeks, daily antibiotics, and a host of other medicines that I worried would forever effect Happy Baby’s development.
But we saw our boy grow and be strengthened in spite of those things.
After all he’d been through… Yes, this was just one more way God got the glory for what He is doing in the Happy Baby’s life.
This may sound like I am making light of a very serious thing (like please don’t go carelessly smashing your kids into door frames or leaving them unattended on high places), but let me just tell you. As I spoke to my pastor’s wife and she told me about how her 4 month old had fallen from the kitchen counter in his car seat down to the tiled floor below and how he is totally fine now (although she joked ‘debatable’) – I felt better.
Then 5 out of the 5 girls I texted asking for prayer wrote back with their own story.
My baby fell off a 4-foot-high bed, my baby fell off the ottoman, I dropped my baby right out of my arms, my baby nose dived out of the car onto the cement pavement…
And all of them – the babies were fine.
I suddenly did not feel so alone and some of the guilt I was carrying began to dissipate.
I had somehow found myself inducted into a secret community of mommies who had dropped their babies.
Are you in the club?
If so, hear this – you are not alone. You are loved. It will be ok.
And try not to let it happen again. :-)
* * * *
What do you think of Happy Baby’s spiked hair?
And check out who is sitting up by himself now!
Plus, he has 2 teeth and is gnawing on absolutely everything in sight – including shoes, chair legs, and diapers (among some of his faves).
He even waves and says, “Buh-bye!” when someone leaves a room.
Still haven’t started solids yet, though… He just instantly barfs at the mere presence of non-milk substance in his mouth (which is strange because he can shove an entire shoe in there and keep it down just fine)… But I am confident that we will get there one day (and I do pray that one day is soon because I don’t know how much longer these tatas can stand being tugged by that dreaded pump). :-)
Thank you to everyone who prays for the Happy Baby and our family. When my heart gets tired or I am tempted to be discouraged, I think of all of you and thank God for the sweet community I have here at Happy Home Fairy.